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Childhood Extended

by Far Apart

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1.
Close 03:38
if the bottom of the bottle is the end of the night then i'll stop drinking, i don't want to say goodbye whenever i feel close to anyone that's when i start to doubt it's when my inner voice says: "no matter how good it gets, you're always alone in your own head" danny told me that college was nothing but childhood extended and that's right but it's not all i feel like i've got choices now like "i know that i could end it" when my inner voice says: "no matter how good it gets, you're always alone in your own head" i heard a buzz, in my bedroom i saw a tiny fuzzy thing, no idea what to do so i did what came naturally i lunged at it with a tissue i felt it pop between my finger and (my) thumb i threw it in the trash and life went on and if there's somewhere neat that you are going i want to see you there some time
2.
Rhodiola 03:06
i keep sleeping in i won't wake easily i'm pretty sure that if i really tried it would kill me i want to do more i want to be somebody to someone else but how are things supposed to get better when i won't get out of bed i don't know how i remember i don't know how i remember anything i don't know how i remember i don't know how i remember anything i can't breathe right i can't see well i'm pretty sure that if you tried really hard you could kill me i don't know how i remember i don't know how i remember anything i don't know how i remember i don't know how i remember anything when rhodiola doesn't work what's left to do, what's left to lose i don't know how i remember i don't know how i remember anything i don't know how i remember i don't know how i remember anything
3.
Any Other 03:43
i could imagine you as somebody else but it wouldn't matter, it still would've happened i would be stuck here, not really sure if you want something from me or if i want something from you i got back into bed and i thought about your face and i thought about the end and any other place i'd want to go before the cold consumes me, before it buries me alive and i am trapped with no escaping underneath a sheet of ice could you have been any other person? would it have been different? i didn't feel so well, i woke up sick yesterday my skin was leaking something that wasn't meant to be there in the first place i want you to know that i don't want to hurt you but i have to let you down, i've gotta let you know now that you could be any other person it wouldn't be different and i need closure on various issues that are rooted in my mind so deep that i can barely find them and i need someone to close this wound that bleeds and bleeds and bleeds my blood and bleeds and bleeds and bleeds my blood but it could be any other person it wouldn't be different
4.
crushed beneath the weight of having nothing to say so i wait and you do the same for every inaction there is no response nothing happens, we'll both move on if oil and water can mix with soap could we talk if someone showed us the ropes? but there's no connection to bring us together you can't latch on to "how's the weather?" if i ever know you maybe i'll let you know how much you mean sick and getting old with no way to reverse it i can't talk to you if i don't rehearse it in my head after all this time spent staring at the wall you'd think i'd be able to say anything at all if i ever know you maybe i'll let you know how much you mean
5.
i know as well as anyone else i should've tried harder earlier but i can't take my own advice i guess it's not in my nature so i'll just do what works for me never sleeping and never eating until the hunger catches up and i pass out or make myself something but nothing's really permanent we've all got to die someday if i weren't disaffected i'd have an empty stomach anyway i need a new foundation for how i live my life maybe it could be something that would get me to bed on time sometimes you'll spill shit on your shirt and that stain will never come out you'll have to live with that mistake you made until you're put in the ground but nothing's really permanent we've all got to die someday if i weren't disaffected i'd have an empty stomach anyway i need a new foundation for how i live my life maybe it could be something that would get me to bed on time
6.
putting my dreams inside a book you can read them when you know me, know me when will i realise i can't do everything? will i decide i'd die for anything? when i'm not sure to drop out or drop dead i sit in silence and wait for something to happen but nothing does, and nothing will and i know it's not like that, it's just fun and i know it's not that bad, but it's not good and i know it's not like that, it's just fun for you as soon as i got back here from being at home i felt like i could float away if i just jumped and held my breath i haven't felt this light for a long time i haven't felt this light before and i know it's not like that, it's just fun and i know it's not that bad, but it's not good and i know it's not like that, it's just fun for you putting my dreams inside a book (i haven't felt this light for a long time, i haven't felt this light before)
7.
i retreat into my dreams daily i'm only seventy percent present at best at any time and i have no mood permanence whatever i am is whatever i have always been living in the future lately, dry eyes, wide smile living life as a virus, showing only some signs of living at all i only sleep for pleasure, only breathe in chemicals when i start feeling too light, i weigh myself down because i need heaviness, i need to know i'm really here if something passes me by, i'm afraid i'll fade away or disintegrate into strands of grey, grey hair burn up in the atmosphere my dreams keep sneaking up on me it's always when i feel like i could almost get to sleep noise always creeping up on me and i can see all the colour and the sound around you skeleton can't hold me in i burst outside of my own skin, don't know where i am going fall backwards onto my bed but i don't get up, no, i plan to sleep this off instead i am a memory long lost twin of a reflection i am a memory long lost twin of a reflection i am a memory follow the stars back home as i float out of my body
8.
(Stars) 01:20
...and the stars started flickering
9.
In Reverie 04:20
i spend a lot of time in reverie trying as best as i can to ignore that life goes on even without me and i wouldn't notice everyone near dissolving or turning to dust in my view i guess i'm kind of distant sometimes i'm on, but most times i'm not able to breathe, this proximity is killing my ability to be but if you can stay here for a while, tell me what to do then self-hate can wait until tomorrow bury me in sorrow, cover me in joy bury me in sorrow, cover me in joy i'll take all their words because i can't think of my own sometimes that's just how it works and i'll take my time to make what i can while i still have the chance to feel it so if you can stay here for a while, tell me what to do then self-hate can wait until tomorrow

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written and recorded between october 2016 and february 2017

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released February 27, 2017

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Far Apart Dublin, Ireland

Singer-songwriter currently based in Swansea.

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